Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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