Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
