I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
