three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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