She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
