Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
