At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
