the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
