idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
