the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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