so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
