my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
