The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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