I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
