dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
40s are totally the cure
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
