I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
His nipple licking is glorious
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