You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
