new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
