He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize