My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
