I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bring me that man meat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
