I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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