Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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