Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
