you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
