Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
PANTIES FOUND
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