Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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