we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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