I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
