So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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