It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
