His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
