Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
