Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
