last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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