Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
