I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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