I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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