You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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