Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
