take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He kissed a someone with a penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
