his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
