erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
