update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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