if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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