I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
