He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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