Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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