By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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