she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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