ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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