yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize