why didn't you poke me back
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
