she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
