Banned from zoo.
Again?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
