I'm really into asian looking animals
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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