you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
