i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
