u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
farters have to be the big spoon...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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