I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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