just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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