Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
