No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize
